tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42493068805618094772011-11-18T02:00:42.117-05:00Fighting sanity one word at a time.Bryannoreply@blogger.comBlogger2911100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-51426746913785367762010-06-22T04:54:00.000-05:002010-06-22T04:54:37.409-05:00

There is a pic on the right of the page and it may seem curious to some but yes that is me, well part of me. Some explaining will come at a later time I suppose but I have been discovering how wonderful life can be once things start to make some sense... Not every thing does of course, though my life is much happier and more fulfilled now then it ever was on meds.

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-19536070570382103062009-09-27T10:02:00.000-05:002009-09-27T10:02:35.455-05:00

I want to do something with this but am not sure yet exactly what the hell to do... fun. Good pics

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-71893423015335797132009-06-04T02:46:00.004-05:002009-06-04T02:59:49.443-05:00

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-29271745559338949802009-04-15T07:58:00.003-05:002009-04-15T08:56:51.616-05:00

Yeah we have too many pets... I like pets mine you but I know my limitations. I like all kinds of critters but don't think my home should be out numbered buy them. It all started a few years back when my wife brought home our first kitty, Shoes. She was small and like those lovable domesticated animals that we share life with have the perfect protection mechanism to most people... the cuteness

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-44793904173279203232009-04-14T07:56:00.002-05:002009-04-14T08:12:58.229-05:00

I have been out of work for 2 and a half years now... my illness is controlled about the best it's going to. My weight doesn't fluctuate anymore. We've been through money woes and legal issues. I've watched 100's of movies and we have added 2 more cats, over a dozen hamsters (all but one died) and a puppy to our family. I have had to deal with inlaws and my wifes work habits being erratic for

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-79980085377195767722009-04-10T07:25:00.003-05:002009-04-10T07:41:23.994-05:00

I'm still waiting on my pc memory it's been a month since my pc crashed and finances just haven't agreed. I want my stuff to be up and running because sharing one pc just plain sucks.The in-laws are back in town... The second time in a month which is always a joy.We got a puppy, her name is Bambi. She is beagle and lab... she is so damn cute and does great with the family. It's like having a

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-41782298243303219352009-03-31T12:15:00.001-05:002009-04-10T07:38:46.977-05:00

So me and the wife had an argument and it involved my mother. Do I feel like a schmuck? No. Am I right? No but I feel that I am not wrong either. See in the past I have had a drinking problem. Am I a drunk no. Am I a recovering alcoholic that has a problem with twelve step programs and the divinity of a higher power yes and maybe that’s my fallacy. Maybe if I can’t believe in Yahweh, Jehovah,

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-23600345209887130812009-03-10T08:42:00.002-05:002009-03-10T09:03:08.219-05:00

It's been a long time since I posted... this feels foreign to me anymore. I've been called a liar by my judicial system about my illness and I am going to take this on fighting tooth and nail and try to make sense of everything. When I got the denial from the judges decision the other day it just about drove me batty. I haven't slept right in over a week now, but I am pressing on and am going to

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-61077508953412563332008-09-24T08:35:00.003-05:002008-09-24T08:47:30.002-05:00

Man if this doesn't keep getting better and better... I went to take my son to the doctor the other day and I did something that I really didn't need to do for myself... I got on a damn scale. I'm up to an earth shattering 283 pounds now and it only seems to be getting worse. This weight gain I'm getting from being on my meds is getting to be almost as insane as living life off of them. Is this

Bryannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-83138940547623923032008-09-21T03:01:00.006-05:002008-09-21T22:12:13.092-05:00

This really sucks right now. It feels like I have bugs crawling through my brain flipping switches systematically, not allowing it to get any rest until it's on the brink of collapse. Thoughts have been racing, sleep has been shit, starting to get panic attacks again and I know why... all because I'm having to stretch out my meds to make them last longer until we can afford more.It's been so long

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-85892631624242903942008-09-21T03:01:00.001-05:002008-09-21T03:01:38.872-05:00

I’ve been so out of the past several months… been using the excuse that I have been trying to at least experience real life instead of spending so much time online. That exercise has been futile at best. I’ve still been seeing my therapist and taking my meds as well as I can for the time being (I’ve had to cut back on some meds to stretch them out because we have been really hurting for

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-55635486629646269512008-05-07T15:27:00.004-05:002008-05-07T15:51:40.074-05:00

I've let go of so many things lately mostly due to trying to find some for of socialization online and the best way I found to do that is though a community called Stickam. Sure there are assholes there but I've meet plenty of good people and some that go through paranoias that I am all too familiar with. I've also started doing a weekly webcast on mental health and I have found people that I can

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-32965683374122931432008-04-13T08:55:00.003-05:002008-04-13T09:40:10.122-05:00

Ugh, what can I say? I haven't been writing much if you can't tell. Just can't think of anything to jot down, I've unfortunately have gotten hooked on a chat site called Stickam. While it's great that I have meet some really cool people there it seems that I am using it as another for of escapism, not dealing with things in the real world.It seems though that this has led me down the road of

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-91161055768678508772008-03-17T05:26:00.004-05:002008-03-17T10:47:23.277-05:00

It was not that long ago I was a 20-something not understanding where my life was going or how to fix it. I became involved with a woman that had clinical depression [in my early 20's] and there I was with bipolar and not doing anything to get it fixed and at the same time thinking I could fix everything if I was just a good enough person. I was, and still am loyal to a fault (though not so much

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-12498483658550257202008-03-16T10:22:00.003-05:002008-03-16T13:04:28.376-05:00

I don't know what all is wrong with me lately. I feel like I'm in the slump of depression again. I told my wife that I feel like I need to have my antidepressant uped. I keep wanting to sleep all the time, not getting anything done and then feeling like shit about it and then having to hear about it from my wife doesn't make things any better.I hate being like this, it makes me wonder about even

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-67369753261444543382008-03-09T07:33:00.003-05:002008-03-09T07:42:55.956-05:00

We had 14 inches of snow this weekend and that made for some fun times around the house but I can't seem to find the joy in it right now. I think I'm on a down swing and it sucks.Found out today that the state government just passed a 70 cent a pack cigarette tax instead of passing a casino bill all because they were persuaded by Churchill Downs that they wanted to have a say it what would have

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-37190056421571834382008-03-01T08:20:00.004-05:002008-03-01T08:29:03.532-05:00

Thank God it wasn't hot considering that it could have caused some real damage to my nether regions because of how high up on my thigh it landed if it was. How many times do we all go through our mornings like this though? Not really thinking of anything until the mind can get into gear to be able to accept the things in the world around them? Moving like a zombie with the mental capacity to

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-26326808729469864572008-02-27T20:45:00.004-05:002008-02-27T21:23:27.243-05:00

It's one thing when a technology isn't worthy or needed anymore and the format is killed. That's the nature of things when something better comes along we are supposed to flock to it and help it to progress that's how technology is supposed to grow. Look at the changes in personal portable entertainment in the past 25 years, at home entertainment in the past 30. I won't touch automotive because

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-71259977440330281792008-02-27T05:36:00.003-05:002008-02-27T06:00:18.891-05:00

Let's see what the next few days hold for me. I'm tired of going through the ups and downs of feeling exhausted all the time I just wish that my body would find the balance that it needs for me to be able to be more productive.I've been fighting syncope episodes lately also. It's a bitch trying not to pass out at times. When I come to and my brain begins to get oxygen again my whole body shakes

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-42503782760660967722008-02-24T05:10:00.003-05:002008-02-24T13:57:10.050-05:00

I've been feeling like shit the past three days or so... my sleep is all fucked up and it's not panning out even if I take 300 mg of trazadone. It's been leaving me for shit when it comes to house work. The place isn't a mess but I haven't been feeling like doing much either. I just wish that I could bet more than 3-4 hours of sleep at night so I didn't have to be stuck watching a bunch of shitty

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-21422067169023803232008-02-18T09:13:00.003-05:002008-02-18T09:33:45.354-05:00

I haven't been on here much lately because we have been having some life events going on and I really haven't been having time to get around to doing any posting. Things have been really hectic in one way or the other either with money or with CPS being called on us.Yeah somebody from the school called CPS on us because they said that there were some things going on with our son that needed to

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-4951786274127979842008-02-06T04:16:00.000-05:002008-02-06T04:38:45.467-05:00

This week is tuning out to really suck. I just found out yesterday that I am going to have to start seeing yet another new PDOC and it one that I don't get along with because he doesn't believe in me going for my disability. He's a smart guy, he got my meds straight after I had my overdose this past year but I don't trust that he will have my treatment in my best interest and what is going to

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-91272278248820974882008-02-04T05:40:00.000-05:002008-02-04T06:05:29.927-05:00

I want to write about something but my mind seems to be numb from all the stress that's been going on in the household right now. It's not been an involuntary stress but one that has been completely active from bickering to outright yelling and arguments. Things seem to be slowing down a little bit though as we are slowly getting back to living life normally after going through our tax money and

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-22534268299834235152008-01-22T15:59:00.000-05:002008-01-22T16:25:03.086-05:00

Yeah it's true, I've hit a manic cycle and I believe it has to do with the stressors of tax time and how we are going to spend our funds. I'm not seeing the whole picture very well right now and am having a hard time focusing on anything outside of what we are going to do with our money.The wife and I got into a big argument in the middle of Wal-Mart yesterday over a t.v. which I would have been

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-65271092199554450102008-01-17T20:04:00.000-05:002008-01-17T20:17:10.852-05:00

Greed, greed, greed. It's an ugly feeling and an ugly word yet I can't get my head away from that simple deadly sin right now. It's occupying far too much space in my brain pan. I wish there was a drug that could cut this flaw from me.I keep dwelling on the money that we are about to run into this year and I keep spending it in my head a hundred different ways. Some of the ways feel more right

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-61230010468807190402008-01-15T21:45:00.000-05:002008-01-15T22:32:58.797-05:00

It's getting a little closer each day. I know this phrase seems vague but for me it holds a lot of meaning. It means that the time when I will be able to restart my life in some fashion is close at hand.I got an conformation letter today from the Social Security Administration that I am going to be able to have arbitration before a judge about my disability soon. It said that when I get my next

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-22461772152057278592008-01-10T08:10:00.000-05:002008-01-10T09:10:29.119-05:00

I'm feeling like a greedy oaf right now. WANT, WANT, WANT. The thirst of wanting pockets that have been a part of my life for the better part of a year now. Most of the time I really do try my best to take the high road and really am appreciative to have the simple things that I have in life but when tax time comes around the spoiled child in me turns up and rears it's ugly 2 faced head.I know

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-79473892244337990182008-01-07T12:42:00.000-05:002008-01-08T14:09:43.168-05:00

I never burned a bridge with a match stick, I always seemed to find some spare napalm laying around at the most opportune times.Why is it with me that alot of the things in my life that I have really tried to do I can never seem to finish or the things that I want to finish I tourch it to the point that it loses any marks of the things that were good about it?I've had this really bad habit over

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-22309759266472845802008-01-03T06:34:00.001-05:002008-01-03T07:59:27.584-05:00

Growing up I was told early on that the person I called father really wasn't the man that was my biological one. That the man that was to raise me for the first 14 years of my life married my mother a very short time after I came into the world. This same man gave his self to the person that is my half brother and the only one that I could really say was my brother.Although my brother was

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-74875213216564934472008-01-01T07:00:00.000-05:002008-01-01T08:28:23.452-05:00

Seriously though I was doing some thinking last night about my bipolar and how to define it in my life with my search for disability coming along and all and I turned up some interesting ideas. Such as...I can't blame my bipolar for the lack of decent work history that I have, but I can give it credit for the way that I lack the ability to control myself in a certain given situation. Don't get me

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-37721378043769272442007-12-27T08:57:00.001-05:002007-12-27T09:09:57.802-05:00

I would love to say that I have been having some really insightful recollections this holiday season, or have been deep in some philosophical thought. The truth is I have been just trying my best to not think about this being that time of the year so I don't fall into my old traps of self loathing and pity.I am still here, alive, and trying to enjoy this time with my family as much as I can bare

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-32694281325423110712007-12-21T16:05:00.001-05:002007-12-21T16:44:36.589-05:00

I am so upset with how things are going around here right now... seems like every time I turn around something is getting broke an thrown away or something is in need of serious repair to make it right.To give you an Idea. I can't tell you how many times this year that we have all been sick. I've had 2 LFE amps blow up on me. A new mother board went out on my computer and I had to get a new

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-59017961688967853902007-12-18T11:22:00.000-05:002007-12-18T11:35:48.411-05:00

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-15387512914939298622007-12-13T13:59:00.000-05:002007-12-13T14:17:42.073-05:00

Am I really unable? Am I fighting for something when I could be more productive? How am I supposed to equate my good days when I have so many that i see as bad? can I do more to be productive in society? Can I go back to work? Can I last at a job is the big question.My work history would suggest that the answer to the last question is no... My mental health providers seem to disagree to some

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-81310483737090773762007-12-13T12:02:00.000-05:002007-12-13T12:18:41.325-05:00

It's kind of neat to see how things turn out when you give a camera to a 3 year old and you get to see what they think is interesting. A couple of pics were taken by me but for most of this post it is dedicated to my son.A.J. is infatuated with cameras right now. and he has a really fun way to look at things and sometimes it's just neat to see what he would take shots of. I can't wait until

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-34854936501373381832007-12-10T05:36:00.001-05:002007-12-10T06:07:09.868-05:00

Me January/ February 2007 Me December 2006Me todayWhat a difference a year makes. Not only with meds but appearance also for me now I am on a quest to grow a pony tail... Yeah I know nothing fashionable about that and it means that I have to shower more to keep my hair up but this is something that I am trying very hard to make happen.It all took place about two months ago when I wanted

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-47748443797906909112007-12-09T13:58:00.000-05:002007-12-09T14:26:50.024-05:00

Despite my stomach ills (for the past 3 days) and my really shitty sleeping patterns I found it in me today to try to be moderately productive around the house and actually found time to walk to the store with my son to get me a pack of smokes. I've done 3 loads of laundry, picked up the living room and even vacuumed. Strange day for me. We even put up the Christmas tree last night. Miracles

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-60991288599364094162007-12-06T09:47:00.000-05:002007-12-07T05:02:26.812-05:00

This video kind of caught my attention this morning. It reflects the bad assness of Rammstein and the cutness of Whinnie the Pooh. The reason for this is my kitten Skittles.She has been a thorn in my side the past day. She ran out of the house yesterday and god knows what she got into. Lord knows we can't afford for her to have any kittens.I'm going to leave this post as a no post day and ust try

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-57760791602399534622007-12-05T07:36:00.001-05:002007-12-05T07:38:18.262-05:00

It's 6 A.M. and I have already been up for 2 hours. I don't have a really good reason for this except I think that it was the first time this morning that the alarm clock went off. As I came down the hallway I had to hop over my son, who was laying in the hallway, just to make it in the living room. I could have shot mom for waking him up at 5 A.M. I don't normally get him out of bed until nearly

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-34940676646128368392007-12-02T23:15:00.001-05:002007-12-02T23:16:59.418-05:00

A sense of reckless abandon that lies to me that things are ok. Filling the cup of life with the fermented juices of chemical imbalances that override all common sense. Wailing relentlessly at the things that are dear to me and tearing them down to their most basic parts. Carelessly, recklessly, unwavering regurgitation with waves of mental nausea that rips away at the soul, beaten down to the

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-19766569739112530172007-12-02T00:15:00.000-05:002007-12-02T01:03:39.880-05:00

I'm getting to be such a fat ass it's almost fitting that I am at this size during the holidays. Never in my life could I have ever imagined that I would have reached the awkward size that I am at now. Hell I can't even tie my own shoes...I started to wear house shoes everywhere because I couldn't fit my edema swollen stubs in regular shoes and once they had went down I found that I can't tie

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-28516727352772288462007-11-29T10:01:00.000-05:002007-11-29T11:46:17.362-05:00

Black or white, not grey, blue, red, green, fuschia (what the fuck is fuschia anyhow?), or some other ambiguous rainbow color of the cray-fucking-ola rainbow. I'm really having a hard time with this whole concept right now and I don't know if part of me is in a medicated fog or that I'm just being a schmuck. Any thing I'm finding as a lie is screwing with my head in the worst way possible.Don't

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-72899181146543010532007-11-28T10:30:00.000-05:002007-11-28T13:05:55.933-05:00

Shit breaking, shit breaking, and more shit breaking. It's got me to the point that I am ready to throw away the rest of the shit that I like so it doesn't cause me anymore heart break in the future. I'm ready to get rid of the cats also.Broken tv's, broken dryer, broken monitors, broken computer shit, broken amplifiers, broken mind. I don't know how much more shit that I can handle being broken.

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-87204359069487615262007-11-27T08:29:00.001-05:002007-11-27T13:05:17.208-05:00

There's a little something that is odd in the days of new stereos that's somewhat bothersome and it has to do with the lack of true equalization and the added benefit that can be had from adding such a device to your current system. Something you will notice on many new bookshelf systems is the high power rating that a lot of them have. They have equalization settings that allow them to be able

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-35259121085262486702007-11-26T09:58:00.000-05:002007-11-26T11:41:07.336-05:00

5$ at the local Peddlers mall$20 at a Pawn ShopI did something today that is going to get me into a lot of trouble with the wife. Little ole' me figured out how to get a shit load of power out of my little amp for my sub. I took this 70w a channel bookshelf stereo and got it to effectively pus 840 watts a channel @ 8 ohms. My 800 watt 12" dub rattles the front and rear of the trailer when I crank

Bryannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-3737082227378420972007-11-25T22:24:00.001-05:002007-11-25T22:24:49.022-05:00

It’s 7 at night and I had a lazy ass day and I am super amped right now. I feel more manic than I have in a very long time. Obsessing about shit that I can’t have and feeling like shit about it. My mind is racing I can’t make it stop. All about stupid ass speaker stuff. I found out today that my LFE amp is going out and that has my ass up in the air. I’ve tried laying off some of the blogs that I

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-26025191788266943472007-11-25T05:45:00.001-05:002007-11-25T06:54:23.628-05:00

I lost my baby not long ago, my 32" RCA tv, and now we are stuck watching movies on a 19" Sanyo television. I know, I know at least I have a tv to watch right now I guess the biggest thing that bothers m about this whole experience is that my computer monitor is larger than my tv (it's 21"). I recently decided though that I had gone too long without having music in my life and needed to do

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-69463105683023776322007-11-23T21:54:00.001-05:002007-11-23T22:23:35.863-05:00

Clicky for a bigger picYeah we celebrated Thanksgiving a day late but whoever said that you had to do anything with the holidays traditionally? No turkey for us either. No sir, honey spiral ham in the tummy with a full spread to go with and we ate good to. The good thing about eating ham over turkey is that it doesn't make you tired even if you engorge yourself and besides that in the eternal

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-68501416540525237262007-11-22T13:04:00.000-05:002007-11-22T14:27:14.254-05:00

I'm amped today and I really can't explain it. I feel like I am a bit manic and my anxiety is high. I keep looking at ads for things that I can't hope to afford for "Black Friday" sales and keep trying to figure out ways to get even the simplest of things. But as I wrote previously we are flat ass broke and there's nothing we can do about it right now.I finally got my meds in the mail and my wife

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-87391357471251004042007-11-21T18:10:00.001-05:002007-11-21T18:13:50.807-05:00

Right now I don't have a lot of things I can do that I want to that will keep my mind occupied. I know that I have plenty of things to do around the house but I just can't seem to put any importance on them.All of our bills are behind and the bank account is overdrawn (by the sum of $200) but that's nothing new so Christmas is going to be nixed for us and it's nobodies fault except our own. Hell

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-12652701818216906962007-11-19T08:44:00.000-05:002007-11-19T08:55:18.540-05:00

I feel horrible today. I have twinges and pains in my stomach that just won't go away and it's only made worse when I try to put anything in my stomach. My wife is going to be pissed when she sees the driver side door on the car. I tried the best that I could to evacuate the contents of my stomach outside of the vehicle but it got tough to do as I was looking for a parking space at my sons school

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-44874433980460888562007-11-18T17:02:00.001-05:002007-11-18T17:08:27.938-05:00

My week has sucked, son has been running a fever, was throwing up, and missed a bunch of school. We had to go to the doctors 3 times this week because of it and nobody could figure out why he was so ill.I finally got to see my new PDOC and she seemed nice enough we got my medications worked out and 2 of them have been increased and I will be getting my buspar again that I have been out of for

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-88557395618184368862007-11-14T14:38:00.001-05:002007-11-14T15:36:40.156-05:00

President Bush gesturing to the audience after being introduced to speak about the budget during a trip to New Albany, Indiana, on Tuesday.* This wasn't written to be any more offensive than what Bush's policies are to me especially when he does things like the ones in the article. By no means do I condone behaviors or ideas as I depict here. I am by no means trying to pick on anyone except those

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-86619637487745736952007-11-14T13:26:00.001-05:002007-11-14T13:34:05.936-05:00

I got bored so I decided to play with touching up some photos I know the quality on the web here isn't the greatest but I wanted to see what I could do with some proofs that we got from Wal-Mart PCA studios and find out if I could touch them up to make them more presentable and make for some decent print when all was said and done.I think the results turned out pretty nice.

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-20810857482271627682007-11-13T23:01:00.001-05:002007-11-13T23:42:02.962-05:00

I'm in a real good fucking mood right now. My son has been sick throwing up today and had a 103.4 temp. Me and the Mrs. have been going back and forth over all kinds of little things that really don't matter. I've been getting unreasonably selfish about the new T.V. that we are going to get. I just wish that shit would stop breaking and that things would start working out. Maybe part of me is

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-62001808928317187722007-11-12T23:52:00.000-05:002007-11-13T00:03:29.752-05:00

Yeah as the title says this is going to be a post about this annoying little problem that I have lived with for about 19 years. This has been one of the banes of my sanity and I have never been able to fully explain it to anyone. Though this isn't a perfect example of what I hear it's the closest thing that I can come to.To listen click here and forgive me if there is any static or popping the

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-47924303949779845972007-11-12T15:38:00.001-05:002007-11-12T16:00:16.741-05:00

I really need to stop smoking. I can't even remember how many times in the past month that I have passed out from coughing anymore. It's all very fucking annoying. Today I passed out fell flat on my back in the middle of the living room floor to be woken up by my son picking my head up with his 2 tiny hands. I wish that I wasn't so hard headed about this shit and I could just "stop". I wish there

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-69454517226629521732007-11-11T09:40:00.000-05:002007-11-11T09:42:51.935-05:00

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-72683908682230436172007-11-10T23:19:00.000-05:002007-11-11T09:12:10.318-05:00

Another night staring at the ceiling lying awake not able to get rest no matter what I try to do. Just when I have the perfect opportunity to get my body back on track and start sleeping like a normal person here I am up @ 11:30 at night and having to wake up at 5:30 in the A.M. to start the car for my wife. If I don't clean the living room tomorrow she's going to chew me a new asshole.This

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-7301122248661177472007-11-09T19:13:00.001-05:002007-11-09T19:17:51.468-05:00

RIAA hits paydirt: wins first music-sharing jury trial Jammie Thomas fined $220,000 for 24 songs By Austin Modine in Mountain View → More by this author Published Friday 5th October 2007 00:13 GMT The Recording Industry of America today won its first jury trial against an individual accused of illegally downloading music. A federal jury fined Jammie Thomas, 30, of Minnesota $220,000 in

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-18437156057699876832007-11-08T21:22:00.000-05:002007-11-08T23:02:15.516-05:00

I feel like things are starting to head south with me, my nerves are shot right now, my wife won't talk to me about shit that is bothering her my son has been home from school all week and today it was my fault because the alarm didn't go off like it was supposed to.I'm teetering on the edge of paranoia and wondering if it's going to come full tilt. I started having visions last night while I was

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-22641402998542933162007-11-08T01:02:00.000-05:002007-11-08T02:05:44.513-05:00

I wish that I knew but it feels like I am losing grip on a touch of reality here. I've been out of anxiety meds for about a month and today was the hardest day that I have had to date. My wife and I went to my therapy appt. (which has been par for the course for the past several visits) and my new therapist, which I really like, really hit some buttons on me because I started to unload on my wife

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-4186847995925522942007-11-06T03:00:00.000-05:002007-11-06T03:02:49.837-05:00

I had to stay up with my son tonight because he has been ill today, throwing up and what not, so to keep me busy I threw this together to pass some time.

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-26512193599477464062007-11-05T09:39:00.000-05:002007-11-05T09:41:46.813-05:00

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-81263782436418352892007-11-03T22:39:00.000-05:002007-11-03T23:13:46.915-05:00

I have a long time soft spot for doing things with electronics, and car stereo equipment is no exception for me,. About a week and a half ago I sold my neighbor a 12" Memphis reference subwoofer with a box for the bargain price of $40. Today they finally got an amp and of course they needed my expertise to help them through the process of setting up their new gear. The box that they have is huge

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-13369639657288371392007-11-02T06:54:00.000-05:002007-11-02T07:17:15.315-05:00

I'm not a big believer in the supernatural/paranormal, though I don't discount it, but I found this interesting and without a lot of explanation. I took a lot of pics for Halloween and there were some that gave me reason for concern when I was taking a closer look while I was doing some post processing. I tried even myself to discount the pictures by thinking my lens was dirty, or that there was

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-22179650808642293992007-10-31T21:57:00.000-05:002007-10-31T21:58:16.883-05:00

Halloween 2007 'nuff said

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-71482243918890290962007-10-31T05:12:00.000-05:002007-10-31T05:14:16.424-05:00

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-84598624465416320612007-10-30T21:59:00.000-05:002007-10-31T09:43:42.844-05:00

I’m really tickled about this. I was able to pull out these nice star shots from my little $149 Canon. The longer that I have it and the more that I learn to do the more that I seem to find things that amaze me. The range of colors in the stars is remarkable and something that’s not readily available to the human eye especially when there is any light pollution. I wouldn’t have expected to be

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-8905270342132058562007-10-30T11:17:00.000-05:002007-10-30T11:50:05.516-05:00

Oh what to do, what to do... our son started school several months ago and we got him in based on his social problems that he had while at home with me and now we are getting documented proof that things may not be all hunky dory with our little man. I'm not going to lie and say that he's an angel but he's not a bad kid either. There are plenty of times when he will just keep pushing buttons and

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-79174397720223940222007-10-29T21:03:00.001-05:002007-10-30T08:05:08.589-05:00

Tell me this isn't a spooky ass place to look at and on Halloween night the world will be privy to see this haunted hospital on Sci-fi on Ghost Hunters at 9 P.M.Why did I decide to post about this morbid place? Truth be told I lived within spitting distance, relatively speaking (more like a 10 minute drive), from this old haunt. It even has some family ties if I remember correctly from the old

Bryannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-5894455914823269242007-10-29T15:07:00.000-05:002007-10-29T16:02:50.779-05:00

Another day gone and another day not getting the shit done I was supposed to. Being like this really plays hell with my mind. Never mind that I haven't really felt well today (headaches, throwing up), I still feel bad that I wasn't able to do anything around here today. I just remembered about 20 minutes ago that I hadn't pulled out anything for dinner, the wife is going to really love that when

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-7758564408607144102007-10-28T07:35:00.000-05:002007-10-28T08:31:07.411-05:00

I really don't understand some people. I was chatting with a guy today that was nice enough and then he started into this whole behavioral way of living that he was convinced would rid me of my meds and allow me to live a better quality of life... WTF?!?! Even when I tell some people that I have been I and out of the psych community for 20 years they act like I have never searched for other

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-584964501307893022007-10-27T17:37:00.000-05:002007-10-27T19:56:22.497-05:00

I've started a Photoshop page on my photoblog and I hope to make it grow like some of the "Best of" entry there. Right now the post is kind of anemic but that will change as time goes by and I find more photos and pics to play with. Hell it's not like I don't have enough source material... LOL

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-45829969878224045822007-10-26T18:24:00.001-05:002007-10-26T18:33:20.707-05:00

Sometimes real life can bring you better things than even fiction can and these pics of some rare plants are some prime examples of this happening. Don't ask me what the hell they are I didn't take the time to note them I just thought they were pretty wicked. The only one that I vaguely remember is the last one is supposed to be a type of orchid that smells like raw meat and is pollinated by

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-2645852969666165352007-10-23T11:20:00.000-05:002007-10-23T12:05:28.899-05:00

I know that when selecting a camera a lot of people are taken in by a ton of features that they may not know exactly about. One of the things that captures the buyers attention is the level of zoom that the camera has, but that isn't as important as the level of optical zoom over digital zoom. All digital zoom does is use the cameras sensor and crops the image from the optical zoom. So in essence

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-37684514354716465562007-10-22T19:33:00.001-05:002007-10-22T22:12:03.789-05:00

I found a new photoshop filter that is turning up some interesting results. It's called "Xero" and this is a before and after shot done with the clarity filter. From what I can tell in the little studying of the filter is that it takes the individual pixels and adds a brightness or contrast to the image as a whole thus being able to produce some really interesting results. The only drawback of

Bryannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-45123764835760485772007-10-20T21:18:00.000-05:002007-10-21T02:32:38.458-05:00

It takes the strength of a person to ask for help, and the power of the right few to remove the weight of the world.

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-16879532632679832832007-10-17T19:35:00.000-05:002007-10-18T08:24:59.832-05:00

This post is different from my other ones obviously, all done in the end of 2006 before I left work to become a stay at home dad. This is a small collection of some of my drawings and studies. Be warned that there is some material here that is not safe for work.

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-1003968501417407942007-10-16T08:59:00.000-05:002007-10-16T10:11:24.261-05:00

I'm sitting here right now trying to figure out the best way to handle my current situation. I want help with my anxiety and it doesn't seem that the current dosage of buspar is working for me. So I have done something that I probably shouldn't do and that's playing with my dosage to find out if the right dosage of this med could actually be beneficial to me. I'm only doing this because of all

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-86623644414858350342007-10-15T19:06:00.000-05:002007-10-15T20:04:01.027-05:00

Man I feel like shit. I can't get my head around this cloud that is hanging over it. It's obscuring all my thoughts and I have lost all focus on things right now. I'm having headaches and I can't keep my anxiety under control. It makes for me being really bitchy and I don't feel that I have any control over it. I ask for help and I am frustrated when I can't get it. I know that I'm not doing well

Bryannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-41008412797560511212007-10-13T16:28:00.000-05:002007-10-13T17:02:49.242-05:00

This guy was so impressive that he deserved his own spot on the web and I thought it fitting to do so right in the Halloween season. I don't usually upload pics that aren't resized because they take up special space that I don't have tons of but he has earned a place in my heart for just this special occasion. Click on the pic for the larger view. Unfortunately my host won't allow me to upload

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-79500269396854069692007-10-13T08:25:00.000-05:002007-10-13T08:51:52.697-05:00

WARNING!!!!My anxiety has been really high lately and nothing that I do seems to help with it. I fell that I am teetering on the edge of something bad and I don't have the tools to be able to stop it from happening.I really blew up at my wife yesterday morning. I know that lately she has been getting on my nerves about things around the house but I really went too far by verbally unloading on her

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-44460268805987894742007-10-11T17:23:00.000-05:002007-10-11T17:44:37.017-05:00

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far, away...A blogger was bored and couldn't think of anything more fucked up to do with his time so he thought of this shit. Really sorry for waisting you time there's no real story here and all.Have a great day!!!

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-78013432591965409502007-10-10T02:18:00.000-05:002007-10-10T03:21:14.022-05:00

Before the police come knocking at my door checking their suspensions this is just a dream in case anything has happened to my daughters mother.I hate it when I have dreams that mess with my head even after I awaken from them especially if it is really disturbing. Case in point, I dreamt about my daughters mother last night. I don't remember the full details of the dream but I do remember that by

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-9982064205272727542007-10-07T09:50:00.001-05:002007-10-07T10:40:14.092-05:00

I'm kind of tickled with myself today. I've been playing with a couple of my Wordpress blogs and have worked out the kinks with having animated headers and they look really neat.You can see them here:HiDef Entropy (Wordpress edition)Monkeys With CamerasI get a good feeling when I can do anything new and apply it in real world settings and not have to keep it to myself.This is what I did with

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-47921164055721368052007-10-06T08:05:00.000-05:002007-10-06T09:16:48.512-05:00

Hell I don't know why I am the way that I am some times and part of me wishes that some of myself could change in certain respects. I feel really selfish about a lot of things like this and I have been that way for as long as I can remember. I'm talking about my nasty nature when it comes to receiving or asking for gifts. I hate it when I am asked what I want for my birthday/Christmas. There's

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-30499592873405685882007-10-04T05:45:00.000-05:002007-10-04T06:37:20.583-05:00

Things have been picking up at my movie review blog with having almost 200 visitors in 11 days (I've finally came up with a title for myself at the blog I am now 'The Monkey Watcher' there). I have recently added a forum for people to be able to pick up links to watch movies. Since I'm not hosting the files there is really nothing that I'm doing that is wrong, and it's a fun learning experience.I

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-47209153903450105502007-10-03T05:36:00.000-05:002007-10-03T05:59:16.281-05:00

You have to admire a kid that leaves nothing to the imagination when it comes to his true feelings.I have had a lot of days that I used to feel just like this kid. Anger, dismay, pissed that I was being lied to and it's all the internet's fault of course. ;)I can only imagine what his teachers or classmates must have to go through if they make a mistake in the classroom. It must be terrifying

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-6782644085637509612007-10-02T14:49:00.000-05:002007-10-02T15:01:43.238-05:00

Sorry for the typos this was posted in a tiny comment box and hard to proof read. So bear with it. Ok I’m going to make these things clear. The only options that I have where I live are my clinic’s dual diagnosis group, that does no good because I am the only one in it, AA and NA and church (which makes my skin crawl thinking about that as an option). No DBSA, no community dual diagnosis groups,

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-27609580327930076372007-10-02T08:06:00.000-05:002007-10-02T09:41:15.502-05:00

Another day that I feel like a slug in the morning. I am really not writing anything to be useful or what not, it's more an activity to keep my brain focused while I am trying to watch 'House of 1,000 Corpses'.I really can't ever seem to shake off the cobwebs in the morning. It never fails. even though I can pump a pot of coffee in my system and get a good nights rest, I feel like I had none and

Bryannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-38106979553501329562007-10-01T06:33:00.000-05:002007-10-01T07:07:42.165-05:00

See my daughter moreGo skydivingDrive a race carBeen good at one sport besides racquetballFinished school-figured out what I wanted to doHave a new carKept my build from when I was 18Not blown up the engine in my 1980 Cutlass wagonGo see drag racesPlayed paint ball when I was healthy enoughBeen able to danceBuy a houseDone something with my artWrite my own programsHold a job outside of retailBe

Bryannoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-57303457632315049122007-09-30T17:36:00.000-05:002007-09-30T18:29:40.565-05:00

I don't understand the way things work sometimes to maintain the status quo. For example how can a disability be awarded or denied for a physical illness when the test to quantify the degree of the physical illness isn't being administered? The reason I am starting to think about this is because I was sent my 2nd denial for my benefits in the mail the other day.I don't pretend to have all the

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-11897889020246569742007-09-29T21:06:00.000-05:002007-09-29T21:40:51.265-05:00

Today was an interesting one. I love it when I do things and don't remember it one iota. My day started out normal enough with me waking up and having some coffee and watching a movie so I could write a review on to pass some time while I was trying to clear the cobwebs from my head. I let my wife rest for a few hours dozing off in the chair and trying to keep our son occupied. Nothing special

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-70923815319062587102007-09-28T16:07:00.001-05:002007-09-28T19:48:16.562-05:00

What a day... I haven't done shit except for stay on the computer and my wife has been lounging around all day getting testy at our son over every little thing. She keeps asking me what I am going to do today and I tell her that I am going to work on a thing or 2 in the kitchen though I can't get her to do the one simple thing that I asked her to do on her 2 days off. Take care of cleaning our

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-68954022528104076962007-09-28T07:30:00.000-05:002007-09-28T07:41:02.553-05:00

Like the pic states I have had over 200 post (this one actually make 202). It's been a fun ride so far and I feel that I have went though so many changes since I started blogging back in December 2006. It's been a rocky ride for me at times also but I have stuck it out and I'm still here. For those of you that come by and still read I would like to thank all you worthless sods for leaving me

Bryannoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-1491467485766078672007-09-27T05:48:00.000-05:002007-09-27T07:04:48.603-05:00

There are days that I think that my wife is actually trying to do me bodily harm even if it is subconsciously. The other day I got her to pick me up a carton of cigarettes and even told her the brand to pick up and she got me the cheapest ones that she could get a hold of. I told her that I stopped smoking those the last time I had them because they messed with my system bad enough that I ended

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-78694387238448817762007-09-26T06:07:00.000-05:002007-09-26T06:48:32.927-05:00

How is it that people can stand to have multiple wives? I've been watching the news about this Mormon separatist Warren Jeffs and I can't understand what in the world he would want to do with 70 wives and then spreading his beliefs as a profit from God. This guy is traditionally delusional and how his followers are so blind not to realize that is way beyond me. Hell I don't know what to do with

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-57692144888430149112007-09-24T12:45:00.000-05:002007-09-24T13:02:05.679-05:00

I started a new project yesterday. I finally made a blog for movie reviews. I know that this puts a lot on my plate right now. I am currently writing 3 blogs and posting my HdEntropy content on 3 different sites and my Life Shots content on 2 sites. So as of right now I have 6 Blogs, of my own, that I am actively engaged in. It makes for a ton of content to have to deal with on a daily basis when

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249306880561809477.post-75073162389851015042007-09-23T04:11:00.000-05:002007-09-23T05:09:58.020-05:00

I got an unusual email today, for me it was unusual. It was a request from a fellow asking me to plug his site for help/support for bipolar and it is relatively young and is looking for direction. Anyone interested can find the site at the following address:http://www.bipolarquoter.com/He seems to have his ducks in a row and knows that he would like to reach out to support those of us that have

Bryannoreply@blogger.com0