I know it’s been a while but I’m slowly coming back

I’ve been so out of the past several months… been using the excuse that I have been trying to at least experience real life instead of spending so much time online. That exercise has been futile at best.

I’ve still been seeing my therapist and taking my meds as well as I can for the time being (I’ve had to cut back on some meds to stretch them out because we have been really hurting for money). That’s how life goes sometimes. Things seem to be getting more stressed out around here the longer that I am out of work. Money keeps getting tighter and expectations for me seem to be getting more difficult by the day on the duties I can perform by myself.

I must say I feel less like a zombie when I don’t take my meds right but then I can’t sleep right and that messes up my whole day. I find my self sleeping more and more while I am on my meds and some of them don’t seem like they are working like they used to. Then again that could be from me not being able to take my meds the way that I am supposed to either.

I saw my therapist the other day and we went through what was going to be my treatment plan for the year. It basically came down to what I wanted to be treated for and why I believed that I needed to be treated for it. In the end we still decided to treat me for bipolar and we went through my chart and she told me that I still don’t have a regular dx but in my chart they have rule out bipolar, rule out schizophrenia, GAD, and borderline personality. I told her that I don’t know why they have rule out bipolar disorder and she explained to me it didn’t me that I didn’t have it. What it meant was that I have traits but they have to rule out other things before they can definitely say that is what I have.. I thought that sounded backwards and my therapist agreed that it was confusing.

The talk seemed really productive though and I got to explain to her one of my theories that I had about my self and why I am so messed up. I told her about my idea that I may have vanishing twin syndrome because my personality issues, the fact that I have a double crown on my head and I have had an extra set of adult teeth that I had to have removed and I showed her one that I still have. To my surprise she told me if those things were apart of her life she would probably believe the way that I have for so long a time. It’s something that I really need to invest more time in to see if I can debunk this instead of just letting it be another wacky thing thing that I believe is a problem with myself.

Not much has really changed for us around here though. The wife still works at the same Wal-mart. My son is in his second year of school. Our car just had to have $400 worth of work done to it and I am still waiting on my disability hearing. All in all it’s been pretty boring for the most part. Hopefully I’ll take the initiative to start writing more again and at least socialize the way I used to. Only time will tell if I can make it back to doing some of the things I was doing before I took a hiatus.